Other people when you tell them you have breast cancer
Telling other people about your cancer diagnosis
You will go through the whole spectrum of annoyance, anger, and irritation. Did I mention anger?
Even though you want to punch people, remember you would have behaved the same way before diagnosis, so don’t get too comfortable on your high horse.
It's best to be prepared and forewarned with information so you can manage your disdain. People fall into the following categories:
The General Expert
We all know someone like this. It doesn’t matter what it is—they are the all-knowing guru. You can stomach it when they drone on about the best electricity deal or how you ought to have used the latest software but telling you how to cure cancer is a whole new kettle of fish. Believe me, they will talk knowingly about what you need to do, which generally revolves around food.
“Eat a rainbow diet.” “Eat turmeric with every meal.”
They impart this information by telling you they watched a programme on it or saw a post on TikTok. All you can do is remind them that it's not a teenage spot you can cure by rubbing a mixture of matcha tea and cabbage water, then finish by burying your head in the garden with a raw steak. Cancer needs strong drugs for a reason. I’m not saying that pharmaceutical companies don’t benefit from us all being ill, and I know that they have suppressed information on the benefits of things like cannabis oil in the past, but right now, you need to listen to your doctor and take your medication. If you want to try cannabis oil or any other alternative treatment, talk to your doctor first to ensure it's safe.
I am also a bit partial to meditation, crystals, and talking to trees, so I’m not knocking it, but they aren’t going to cut it with cancer. If you want to go down an alternative route, that is up to you, but I object to the ill-informed know-it-all expert.
Of course, some advice will be helpful, like staying out of the sun and drinking water, but it still doesn’t mean that sometimes the advice gets on your nerves. Or is that just me?
2. The Medical Expert
“You have one of the good cancers.”
There may be some truth in recovery rates, but it didn’t feel good to me. I tried to work out why this annoyed me so much. Apart from being in a permanently bad mood, telling me it was a good cancer diminished my feelings and how I wanted to respond to it.
3. The Optimist
“You’ll lose some weight.”
No, you don’t! The medication I was on made me gain weight. In addition to the chemo, the steroids, Tamoxifen, Herceptin, and generally lying around more than usual made me balloon. But I’d like to point out that having a flat stomach wasn’t high on my list of things to worry about.
These people will also tell you how you have to fight it. I’ve already ranted about this, but you get the general idea.
4. All About Me
This person looks and gets all misty-eyed and tells you how their milkman’s sister's best mate's mum had breast cancer. They might go further and tell you how they died and how tragic it was.
You probably won’t believe me, but this happened to me. It was the first time I had gone out to the pub with a couple of friends. I was bald but rocking my chemo hat and shades. While my friends went to the loo, I was outside trying to get a taxi. A very drunk tattooed man approached me and started crying, telling me about his mother and how she had died. Now I am not completely heartless, and I did sympathise, but I was, until this point, having a good time. I had forgotten about my diagnosis. He didn’t leave for fifteen minutes, and by the time I eventually got in the cab, I was raging.
5. The Joker
“At least you'll get a free boob job and tummy tuck.”
Now I include this category because some people found this very offensive. Having a mastectomy is major surgery, as is having breast reconstruction. People agonise about the type of surgery to have, and it's not something to take lightly. I have to say that while I wanted to be outraged, I actually wasn’t. For many a flat stomach is a welcome addition.