10 Things They Don't Tell You When You're Diagnosed with Breast Cancer

When the consultant said the word "cancer," I stopped hearing anything else. I nodded, I smiled politely (because I'm British and that's what we do), and I walked out into the car park with a leaflet, a follow-up date and absolutely no idea what had just happened.

If you've just been diagnosed with breast cancer, first, I'm sorry. Second you are not alone, and you are not going mad. Here are ten things nobody sat me down and told me. I wish they had.

1. You will forget everything the doctor says

The moment you hear "cancer," your brain goes on strike. Take someone with you to every appointment. Ask if you can record it on your phone. Write questions down beforehand because in the room, they'll evaporate.

2. The waiting is the worst bit

Waiting for scan results, waiting for the meeting, waiting for the treatment plan. It's brutal. It's also normal. Fill the time with something anything that isn't Googling your symptoms at 2am.

3. Chemo isn't just about losing your hair

Nobody warned me about the eyebrows. Or the eyelashes. Or the taste of metal. Or the fact your fingernails might lift off. Hair loss gets the headlines, but there's a whole cast of supporting side effects and knowing about them in advance takes some of the fear away.

4. Your friends will surprise you both ways

Some people you barely know will show up with lasagne and love. Some people you'd have bet your house on will vanish. It's not personal. Cancer is scary and some people can't cope with it. Let them go, gently.

5. The admin is a full-time job

Appointment letters, insurance forms, sick notes, prescription exemption certificates, blue badge applications, benefits, work HR. Get a folder. Get a big one. Get a partner or friend to be your "PA" if you can.

6. You'll grieve things you didn't expect to grieve

Your hair, yes. But also, your energy, your old body, your sense of invincibility, sometimes your fertility, sometimes your sense of humour. Grief is part of this. Let it happen.

7. "Finishing treatment" isn't the finish line

Everyone throws confetti when your last radiotherapy session ends. Then you go home and feel utterly lost. This is the bit nobody prepares you for and it's exactly why I wrote the third section of Stay on the Bus about cutting the apron strings.

8. It's okay to laugh

Cancer is horrific. It's also, occasionally, absurd. The wig that looks like a dead ferret. The chemo chair neighbour who won't stop talking about her cat. If you find something funny, laugh. It doesn't mean you're not taking it seriously.

9. You don't have to be "brave"

You are not letting anyone down by crying, raging, hiding under the duvet, or telling well-meaning people to sod off. "Brave" is a word other people use. You just have to get through today.

10. You are not alone

One in seven women in the UK will be diagnosed with breast cancer in their lifetime. There is a whole army of us who've been where you are and we're rooting for you.

If you want a proper best-friend-in-a-book to hold your hand through the whole thing, you can buy Stay on the Bus on Amazon.

Whatever happens next Stay on the Bus will take you where you need to go.

Andrea x

Andrea Moulding is a breast cancer survivor, author of Stay on the Bus: Navigating Breast Cancer and founder of the Stay on the Bus CIC. She writes and speaks about the honest, human side of a cancer diagnosis. Connect on LinkedIn or Instagram.